The Magical Kiss

Today, at story time, Walter choose to use that time to practice his running. He is getting so confident on his two legs he is starting to take risks. A bad thing. And sure enough as he was practicing his running he fell. And true to his mom’s spirit he had an audience. And he fell hard. As the moms in the room all collectively held their breath to see if there would be tears. Walter started crying. I hurried over, scooped him up and started applying the requisite kisses to his forehead. And like magic he stopped crying. There is something about a mom’s kiss. But what is it?

Kisses, it turns out actually have a biological reason behind them. Right after the birth a mom is compelled to kiss her new baby. This is instinctual, she is learning the smell of her new baby and the baby her smell. The days pass, mom and baby are bonding and mom still can’t seem to stop kissing her baby. The biological reason this time: the mom is gathering the germs off baby’s skin, her immune system then produces antibodies for those germs and passes them through her breast milk. And most importantly of all, they provide the comfort and nurture that a child needs to grow.

A mom’s kiss. There is nothing in the word as special and unique.

Confessions of an ex-fast food junkie

I dedicate this next post to one of my greatest friends alive, a fellow recovering fast food addict, Melissa Perrea. I love you Mel!

I need to confess something. I am a recovering fast food addict.. Oh my god, did I know that it was bad for me, yes. Did I know I was throwing away money on something so inherently unhealthy, yes. Did I know I was increasing my odds for heart disease and diabetes, yes. Did I know that I was contributing to the nation’s obesity epidemic, yes. Did I care? Not on your life. Oh what a number one combo, super sized wouldn’t do for me. It wasn’t just fast food, I ate out a lot, almost every meal (yes even breakfast), the greasier and the more fattening the better. But that was when it was just me, living life large. Then I got pregnant. For the most part I cut my fast food binges out (I did have a few preggo infused binges but not that many). I knew it wasn’t just my health I was ruining, but that of my unborn child’s. I even went so far as to cutting out high fructose corn syrup, meats with hormones in it and went all organic. I was eating the most healthy I had ever eaten, and I was feeling great! I vowed to keep the momentum up after I was pregnant. By god, I was going to.

Then I gave birth and the reality of just what a new mom is and does hit. And fast food wormed its way into my life once again. Oh the convenience! Oh those French fries! Oh that number one combo had been calling my name for so long. Then at 7 months Walter began to become aware of his surroundings (oh object permanence!). And he started observing me eat food from the brown, grease stained bags. What’s worse, he wanted some. This was unacceptable. So I had a decision to make....

And what exactly did I decide you wonder? I kicked the greasy, brown bag to the curb for once and all. My health and the health of my family is way more important than the few empty moments of enjoyment I have from those golden brown, fried to perfection french fries. I prepare AND eat (I still eat out occasionally) all foods that are good for Walter, so if he wants a bite I can cut up whatever I’m eating and feed it to him guilt free. I try and adhere as closely as possible to a whole food diet. There is the occasional side of fries I order, but it is a special occasion and never from a fast food joint.

I almost forgot!

Today, I was reminded that I forgot to mention of one of the best parks in all of Seattle. And that is Lincoln Park. Lincoln Park is off the beaten path in West Seattle, unless you happen to live in West Seattle. But it is well worth the trip out there. Lincoln Park has it all. A great green expanse, on the west side of West Seattle overlooking the Puget Sound and the Vashon Ferry landing. There is a great play area for children of all ages with four bucket swings on the south end of the park. There are more places to picnic that people who frequent the park. There is an outdoor pool (Coleman Pool) at the bottom of the bluff. There is also a glorious boardwalk wrapping around the bottom portion of the park (Walter just practiced his walking there today). The shore reaches up to the boardwalk, during low tide there are many tide pools to be explored. In short Lincoln Park is da bomb.

Trading the Bars for Parks

Part of the transformation of becoming a mom is the inevitable trade, the bars for parks as I like to put it. I have become a connoisseur of the local parks. If its not raining chances are Walter and I visited a park that day.

And just as you go to the bars to socialize, you socialize at the park, albeit it’s a bit more G rated than at the bars but slowly but surely you begin to make casual acquaintances with the moms and the nannies that frequent each park. Though don’t be fooled parks do carry a certain amount of drama. And while there are no trivia nights where you can win $100 you do come home with a tired and worn out child who is guaranteed to sleep well that night (unless they are teething) and that is worth about $1000.

Here is a list of a few of my favorite parks here in Seattle

Magnolia

Magnolia Central park- has tons of children playing in it most of the time, its right next to a school so when school gets out there is a virtual party going on. They have four bucket swings and play equipment made for new toddlers.

Ella Bailey park- I love this park for sentimental reasons because this was the first park that I took Walter to. He slept most of the time (he was only a week and a half). There are two bucket swings there. The other play equipment is for more advanced toddlers or preschoolers. However there is a great paved ring around the park where you can bring a push toy and/or walk solo with your little one.

Magnolia Blvd- Great park for when you need to get out to run/walk, put your child in the stroller, picturesque views of Puget Sound. It is also great, I have recently discovered, for when your child starts walking, it has such great grassy fields to park your stroller and let them run (walk) wild!

Discovery Park- This park is AMAZING but you need to take your child in a carrier (such as a Bjorn, Moby, Ergo) instead of a stroller as there are tons of nature trails, some even leading down to the beach, it is great for making scavenger hunts and nature bingo games out of. There is also a nature center there that needs to be checked out.

Smith Cove Park- my personal favorite, Walter and I spend many hours there. There are no swings, one picnic table and a water fountain-- but there is a big Elm tree, little field of grass and the view is amazing. Its great for picnicking.

Green Lake- Green Lake is like the ultimate park. I used to just walk around it and not realize all the hidden (or maybe not so hidden) potential of the park. There is the walking path (which is too crowded and chaotic for beginner walkers), There are great turn offs that have grassy fields good for picnicking, practicing walking, looking at the environment around. There is a playground with eight bucket swings and tons of great play equipment for all ages. There is a wadding pool, there are tennis courts, you can swim in the lake, rent boats. And if you don’t want to swim in the lake they have an indoor pool. For a park Green Lake has it all.

Ballard

Ballard Locks- This park is great for picnicking, walking, it has a garden that is gorgeous, and is really interactive with all the boats passing trough the locks you can walk across the locks to the salmon ladder. A must see for anyone.

Golden Gardens- Set on the western bluff of Ballard this park is great to watch sunsets and go for long walks at low tide. Tough they have had some problems with sewage runoff in the creek as of late so don’t let your little ones play in the water. There is a play area with 2 bucket swings. There are also fire pits and

This is just a partial list of parks that we frequent, there are so many in Seattle! The park doesn’t need to have a dedicated play area to have a good time, bring a ball, blanket, or just watch environment around you! I have included two links for more information for parks in Seattle:

http://www.seattle.gov/parks/parkspaces/index.htm

http://yearofseattleparks.blogspot.com/

Back from LA

Sorry guys for the hiatus again. A month and a half is just not acceptable. The good news is, I have tons of fodder for my blog and will be posting much more frequently than once in a blue moon. I guess the most exciting piece of news to report is that Walter turns one in just over three weeks. Its crazy that a whole year has almost come and gone. There have been so many changes and I must admit I am feeling nostalgic AND very excited to see what the next year has in store. The biggest transformation is Walter is no longer considered a baby but a full-fledged toddler. For those of you that don’t know, Walter started crawling AND walking all in the same week. Kinda crazy to say the least. And I will say it has been hard saying good-bye to baby Walter and hello to toddler Walter. Walter, who seems to have picked up an opinion or two along the way, this, I am told is where the real fun begins.

Getting from Point A to B in an Airplane

Nothing terrified this seasoned traveler more than the phrase “air travel” when combined with Walter. Before Walter I would throw clothes and toiletries into my suitcase haphazardly the day of the flight and be off to a great destination. And I honestly thought my days of traveling were put on the highest childproofed shelf for a few years. Three successful flights and family visits later I am here to testify that it can be done. And you will be successful. Here are some tips that proved helpful

Packing

1. Pack clothes for every eventuality, this means that traveling light is not an option, but try not to get attached to every cute outfit and think that you must bring it, two outfits per day is sufficient
2. Pack favorite toys and books, figure out beforehand what kind of toys and equipment will be there, pack accordingly. Bringing favorite toys also helps the child feel more comfortable in a strange setting if there are familiar toys to play with.
3. Try to arrange the big things, stoller, bumbos, bouncers, pack and plays, ect. to be on the other side so you don’t have to pack and/or go without.

Airport/Flight

1. Check EVERYTHING but the diaper bag this is a lifesaver, you will be able to have both hands free and won’t be worrying about this bag and that pillow, ect. (I know, I know in these days of baggage fees it’s a hard pill to swallow but to me an extra $15-$40 is worth it—southwest airlines still doesn’t charge and they have the friendliest service)
2. Strollers; try and secure one on the other side so you don’t have to bring yours. I fortunately have visited family where they already had the equipment and/or my dad was generous enough to buy the stroller before we got there and now Walter has his “California wheels”
3. Wear your baby in a infant carrier such as a Bjorn or Moby
4. TSA now has the “family lane” when going through security, believe it or not it’s the quickest line!
5. To avoid the pain of decompression nurse or give your baby a bottle on the decent. The last flight we took Walter didn’t want to nurse but was teething so he chewed on my finger the whole decent and there was nary a problem.
6. And, I am sure if your bundle of joy does begin to get vocal someone will invariably give you a dirty look (as I received as Walter was crying uncontrollably during his first dissent) give them a dirty look back, they obviously are an asshole.

At your destination

1. Have fun!
2. Take tons of photos.
3. Try to keep a schedule as close to your home schedule, but be realistic, this lasts about a day and a half for me and then everything goes out the window.
4. Be contentious about what stage your child is at and set expectations accordingly. For example when Walter and I recently traveled to So. Cal. and every time I introduced him to friends and family I made sure to let them know he is going through stranger anxiety/separation anxiety so they knew not to take it personally when Walter started crying hysterically when placed into their arms.

Above all else, Use your resources, talk to moms who travel, they may have tricks that never crossed your mind. Allow yourself plenty of time, patience and latitude. You are traveling with an infant/small child, they don’t have the capacity to comprehend what is going on. If they want to cry, they will cry, if they don’t, they won’t. And thank you for flying the friendly skies and let me be the first to welcome you to your destination

Not coming back

The date was September 9^th, exactly one month and three days after Walter was born when I received an email from my former boss titled “Anna’s return schedule”. The email spelled out my return schedule back to work just six weeks after Walter was born. To be fair this was clearly stipulated in the employee handbook that I had signed a year and a half ago. However when signing an agreement to company policies and procedures regarding maternity leave when having a child is the last thing on your radar six weeks seems a more than adequate amount of maternity leave compensation. It wasn’t just the hormones that made me cry uncontrollably, as I read the email, it was the fact I knew if I went back to Dynamic Computing I would be sentencing myself to a dead end career, there would be no getting out. And I owed a little more to my family and myself.

I must preface my next action by adding, in between the time I became pregnant and receiving this email I had been doing my homework on baby development. And what I was finding was pretty definitive, a mom and a baby need one another. They have a very unique symbiotic relationship for the first year of the baby’s life. Knowing this and knowing that I did not want to go back to a work environment where I would work myself into a dead end did not seem appealing. One quick caveat: right before getting pregnant I had decided to go back to school part-time after work and get my prerequisites for nursing and in a year or two be in nursing school.

So I did one of the ballsiest things I have ever done before. I took stock of everything in my life and reasoned if I was going to deplete my savings on day care, I might as well be the one taking care of Walter and bettering myself by going back to school. It took me two days to gain the composure to reply to my boss “I don’t think I can come back”. To this he went ballistic. He hurled some really hurtful insults and remarks to me, which ironically cleared up any doubt as to my return or not, why would I ever want to go back to work for a man who thought so lowly of me?

This is my part of a story made up by millions of women that illustrates a broader issue surrounding mothers all over this country. That is one of maternity leave. Twelve weeks unpaid, that is all FMLA guarantees a mother. Now since I worked for a company under 50 employees my former company was not required to follow FMLA laws and give at least 12 weeks of unpaid maternity leave. I could have been required to go back to work the very next day. At six weeks a woman is just barely healed physically from a vaginal birth and not quite yet healed if she had a cesarean. How does it make sense to go back to work? Twelve weeks is hardly enough time to adjust, or god forbid, what if you are having a hard time adjusting? You now have to deal with work shit on top. No thank you!

I think the decisions that mothers have to make each day regarding maternity leave lends itself to a broader question, in a country that professes its family values over all other countries. How on earth does twelve weeks of maternity leave make sense? Ask any working or formerly working mom, it is the hardest decision that has to be made when and if to go back. And no woman should be made to feel incompetent, a bad mother, or uncommitted to her family for the decision she makes for herself and her family.

There are women who have to return back to work at six weeks and cried the first week back, there are women who lost their jobs because of taking an extended maternity leave, there are women who go back after six months and cry because they will never be the same in their careers again, and there are women who decide to stay at home. No decision is better than the other. And each decision is made with the same amount of regard for her family and probably with the same amount of angst.

Its 7 months now since I made my decision. And on a recent trip back to LA to visit friends and family I ran into a couple of people who didn’t know I had a baby and after the shock of Walter in my arms wore off they inevitably asked “What are you up to these days?” Ahh the loaded LA question, you have your day job (Starbucks, waiting tables, ect.) and your acting/directing/editing/directing/wiring career that you tirelessly work on in your free time. Each time I answered proudly “I am a mom”. And each time Walter would as if on queue smile his charming smile.

And I'm back!

…..And hello to my three loyal followers. I am back! I have indeed returned from the depths of being newly (or not so newly) anointed a mother and am ready to blog about motherhood as was planned 10 months ago. I know it has been awhile and if you want to unfollow me I will understand.

So what they tell you when you are pregnant but you don’t listen, or have no way to possibly comprehend how life will forever be fundamentally changed by having a child. Bringing a child into this world and being a mother is the most all-encompassing and humbling experience one can ever be a part of. The world and its goings on literally fell off to the wayside for a good six months as I struggled to figure out just who I am and how life works now that you are completely responsible for a wonderfully, amazing yet helpless human being. Life has been forever changed my identity, my place in this world, the way I look at the world-- no one can possibly prepare another person for that. How can they? And I think, that was the guidance I was really looking for in my “what the fuck to do with an infant class”. And I am sure that’s why in prenatal yoga, they just teach you to breathe and help you “find your inner space…”

AND I am still not sure if I quite know ‘what the fuck to do with an infant” but I must say both Walter and my houseplant, Roberta are alive and thriving, so I must be doing something right.

It’s been an adventure of unparalleled experience. I have been stretched to beyond what I thought I was capable of giving, doing, and being. The reward is immense: I have been in the front seat watching life develop before my eyes. Every morning is a new adventure, life now revolves around bowel movements, sleep patterns, and how to make the same game and toys exciting and fresh, by the end of the day your living room looks like Fisher Price threw up in it. And all the while, celebrating the tiniest of accomplishments I formerly took for granted (I flipped out and started crying the first time Walter held a rattle for more than 2 seconds, as an example).

And I hardly want to come off as being an expert, quite the contrary, I equate motherhood to bumbling around in the dark for the light switch. You eventually find it…..these will be the tales of how I find the light switch in the dark. I hope you stay, and I promise no more 10 month hiatus again.